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Your identity at birth is down to chance

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The funniest house of all time
Jacek Kuroń Social activist
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So daddy seduced mummy and that's how I came to be born. At first, there were the three of us and it was the funniest house of all time. It was always the funniest house of all time. If anyone has seen Mrożek's Tango then that's exactly like my home. Non-stop. Apart from anything else, my parents just wanted to have fun and so there were constant booze-ups in our home or else they would go out somewhere. This is what I remember of my early childhood. One winter's night, I woke up and saw lots of coloured balloons filling the doorway to the other room. I came closer to these balloons and stuck my head through them and what did I see? Mummy and daddy playing mummies and daddies on the sofabed. But this didn't last long because a moment later there was a banging at the door and in came the police. It turned out that they'd been to some union ball where mummy had been surrounded by admirers, according to my daddy, because my mother was the most beautiful woman in Lwów, or so she claimed. So daddy was looking for an excuse to beat them up but he didn't have one. Luckily, right opposite, a ball was being held for veterans of Strzelec or some kind of military people, reservists, and suddenly they came out and a shouting match followed, one calling the other a Red and the others something else - 'zupacy' - so daddy made the most of the opportunity and began to beat up everyone, including mummy's admirers and, for good measure, the guy with those balloons. So then he took mummy in his arms, and the balloons, came back home and a short while later, the police turned up and took daddy away. These are the more colourful recollections.

Apart from that, my father and grandfather brought me up telling me I need to be brave, to put up with everything because people were going to torture me, beat me and that I'd be thrown into prison. Smoking - my father always told me not to smoke because if I did, I'd go to prison and they'd destroy me there. It was obvious that I was going to end up in prison, clearly evident and for me totally understandable.

No więc tatuś uwiódł mamusię i tak ja się urodziłem. I naprzód było nas troje i był to najśmieszniejszy dom wszechczasów. Zresztą przez cały czas był najśmieszniejszy dom wszechczasów. Jeśli ktoś widział Tango Mrożka, to jest to o moim domu dokładnie. Bez przerwy. Moi rodzice poza tym w ogóle chcieli się bawić, w związku z tym bez przerwy albo były pijaństwa w domu, albo gdzieś chodzili. Takie wczesnodziecinne wspomnienie mam. Zimowa noc, ja się budzę i w drzwiach od drugiego pokoju takie kolorowe balony. To ja podchodzę do tych balonów, tak wyglądam, wychylam zza nich głowę i cóż ja widzę – tatuś z mamusią bawią się w tatusia i mamusię na tapczanie, ale to trwa chwilę, bo za chwileczkę słyszę walenie w drzwi i wkracza policja. Okazuje się, że byli oni na balu jakimś związkowym, gdzie mamusię obstawiali jacyś absztyfikanci, jak mówił mój tatuś, bo moja mama była najpiękniejsza we Lwowie, tak twierdzi – moja mama twierdziła tak. No i tatuś szukał okazji żeby ich zbić, ale okazji nie było. Na szczęście, naprzeciwko odbywał się bal weteranów "Strzelca". "Strzelca" albo weteranów... wojskowych jakichś – rezerwistów i nagle oni wychodzą i się zrobiła jakaś taka pyskówa, czerwoni jedni do tamtych, to tamci tamtym coś - zupacy i tatuś skorzystał z okazji i jak zaczął prać, to sprał wszystkich łącznie z absztyfikantami mamusi i z tego rozpędu jeszcze tego faceta z tymi balonami. Więc wziął potem mamę na ręce i te balony, wszedł do domu, a za chwilę weszła policja i wyprowadzali tatusia. To jeśli by chodziło o takie barwne fragmenty. Poza tym i tata i dziadek wychowywali mnie tą metodą, że, no muszę być dzielny, wszystko wytrzymać, bo tu mnie będą torturować, tu mnie będą bili, ja tu będę siedział w więzieniu. Palić – tata zawsze mówił, żebym nie palił, bo pójdę do więzienia i wtedy cię zniszczą. I fakt, że pójdę do więzienia był taki zupełnie oczywisty, taki no jasny, dla mnie zupełnie zrozumiały.

The late Polish activist, Jacek Kuroń (1934-2004), had an influential but turbulent political career, helping transform the political landscape of Poland. He was expelled from the communist party, arrested and incarcerated. He was also instrumental in setting up the Workers' Defence Committee (KOR) and later became a Minister of Labour and Social Policy.

Listeners: Jacek Petrycki Marcel Łoziński

Cinematographer Jacek Petrycki was born in Poznań, Poland in 1948. He has worked extensively in Poland and throughout the world. His credits include, for Agniezka Holland, Provincial Actors (1979), Europe, Europe (1990), Shot in the Heart (2001) and Julie Walking Home (2002), for Krysztof Kieslowski numerous short films including Camera Buff (1980) and No End (1985). Other credits include Journey to the Sun (1998), directed by Jesim Ustaoglu, which won the Golden Camera 300 award at the International Film Camera Festival, Shooters (2000) and The Valley (1999), both directed by Dan Reed, Unforgiving (1993) and Betrayed (1995) by Clive Gordon both of which won the BAFTA for best factual photography. Jacek Petrycki is also a teacher and a filmmaker.

Film director Marcel Łoziński was born in Paris in 1940. He graduated from the Film Directing Department of the National School of Film, Television and Theatre in Łódź in 1971. In 1994, he was nominated for an American Academy Award and a European Film Academy Award for the documentary, 89 mm from Europe. Since 1995, he has been a member of the American Academy of Motion Picture Art and Science awarding Oscars. He lectured at the FEMIS film school and the School of Polish Culture of Warsaw University. He ran documentary film workshops in Marseilles. Marcel Łoziński currently lectures at Andrzej Wajda’s Master School for Film Directors. He also runs the Dragon Forum, a European documentary film workshop.

Tags: Tango, Sławomir Mrożek

Duration: 2 minutes, 23 seconds

Date story recorded: 1987

Date story went live: 12 June 2008